I’m a single parent with two children and find it difficult to manage household bills and food. I can manage three weeks properly, but now that Universal Credit has been cut and it’s got colder and the bills are going up, I’m finding it harder and harder to manage. All the bills are too high. I don’t have Internet connection at home, we just use my mobile data for everything. The children use it for their homework.
I was in Safer Places and now I’m in temporary accommodation and I didn’t have any furniture when we moved in, I’ve needed to get all that.
I didn’t realise how difficult it was going to be. I don’t have any friends or family here. My ex wouldn’t let me go anywhere apart from to take the children to and from school. I wasn’t allowed a phone or a bank account or to get involved with bills. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, just to go to and from school. One of the teachers spoke to me after school when one of my children was upset and they supported me to get out of my situation and to get to safety.
Now my daughter is teaching me English and I also go to English lessons and I really enjoy it. I’ve had to learn so much to get by. I’d like to get a job in the future, and am working hard on my English as I would love to be a carer.
I spend a lot of time with my children and my children are supporting me. They are my main power. I am very happy with my life now.
Travelling in Harlow is really expensive. It’s £5.60 for a day ticket for all three of us to travel to two different schools. Because we’ve moved to temporary accommodation, I don’t want to keep uprooting the children, I’m happy to keep them there but it’s so expensive to get there and back. My youngest child is too small to send on their own and my oldest is a bit anxious about loud noises and the dark, because of her dad and the impact of domestic violence, so we all go on the bus together. The bus only comes once an hour. I seem to spend most of the day waiting for a bus.
I feel that many Muslims don’t speak up about domestic violence, but I need to. Me and my children deserve not to be scared.
Before, every aspect of my life was controlled. We spent twelve years together, but he didn’t care about the children.
When we split up, I didn’t know how to have a bank account. I’d never had my own money, let alone control of it. Back then, I didn’t feel like a good mum. Now I’m very happy I did the right thing.
I want only one thing: people to know that no matter how hard it is to be a single parent, you don’t put up with domestic violence. I had never seen that there was support outside of my home, I only ever saw my husband and his family. I was not allowed a phone to talk to my parents or anything, it was like a jail.
We left Safer Places over a year and a half ago and have been in temporary accommodation since. I went there with nothing. Now I have a little bit – I’m managing, but I’m only managing. Everything is very expensive. Money is very limited so it’s not just about budgeting, there’s nothing to save.
My children are going to the only mosque in Harlow, which I’m very far away from and need to travel to. My God knows everything I did for my children and I’m happy now – we all are.
So many people don’t know about the foodbank or live too far away, or have a different religion so may not want to come to the church to the foodbank. But I respect all religions. I am Muslim but my children are enjoying Christmas too. I want everyone to be together and have fun.
I want people to know that people can’t control you. There is help out there. You don’t have to resort to suicide – there was a point where I was feeling like that, because of the abuse, but I had to be strong for my children. Step by step we are getting back on track. We are getting lots of help. I am very happy; I feel like life is very beautiful. I am not scared for myself or my children now.